long time, no time.

i haven't written in quite some time. perhaps this is because i realize that no one reads this. or maybe because i've started rehearsals on Sordid Lives and stay busy. Or, maybe because i've become addicted to online video sites. yeah, that's probably it.

nothing really new is going on. just a lot of stress, money issues, and a cat that thinks he's a human infant. seriously. he sits on his butt and insists on fresh tap water daily 24/7/365. but it's ok. he doesn't bug me to watch cartoons or try to put forks in the outlets. so we're cool for now.

i have a feeling this blog will be about shaba. the cat's got me wrapped. i just got back from turning on the bathtub water. really. really really.

i'm watching little shop of horrors. :)

ok so. shaba. he has a camo bandana collar, his 5th colar withing 11 months. it's beginning to get frayed from his rubbing against the textured apartment walls. i think i'm going to wait a few more weeks until our anniversary to get him a new one-something expensive. something that can withstand his need to scratch.

not that you care. that's more for MY memories.

i downloaded firefox finally. i forgot how wonderful it is! just splendid. and i typed About:config into my address bar and configured the settings to true 30 false true and sped it up quite a bit! i'm just SO proud of myself!

i'm distracted. more tomorrow. maybe

I'm so 'sorey'

Okay. So. This weekend, while in Austin for Legally Blonde, I went on an 8-hr 'dress hunt' and started feeling like the air was piercing my lungs about half-way through the day. This feeling only got worse and I developed a little rattly cough. After the show (which was SO cute, btw) I got some cold meds and Cepacol (spelling?) throat drops, but nothing helped. I slept from midnight to 11AM-VERY strange for me. I'm ALWAYS up by 8 no matter what. I felt dizzy, had a muffled voice and couldn't swallow. I sat in a hot bath and let the steam hit my chest and back-hoping that would loosen things up. Then I brushed my teeth, which surprisingly helped quite a bit. On the ride home, I slept 2 1/2 hours. (We stopped for James to potty and get lunch.) When we got home, I slept more. I went to bed around midnight and woke up at 6:30. I called into work. One of the directors says I should look into getting my tonsils removed-I say "ZOINKS!" Noooo way! I'm so pain-intolerant! AND, being in America, I don't have insurance and couldn't afford the procedure even if I wanted to.

So here I am. Quarter past noon. Dying from having the feeling of having swallowed a porcupine. It's hades. I have hardly any voice, no appetite, and I feel extremely weak. I have to pay my eclectic bill today, but I ALSO need to go to the Walgreens clinic. I can only afford one. AND I need new back breaks. And gas. And groceries.

Why do these things happen at the worst times?

Any home remedies? Quick-fixes? Gah...this has GOT to end!

2 for 1 thursday!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ3oHpup-pk

when will it end?

So. I've been going through some stuff for the past...er...15 years of my life and I'm ready for a change. I realized this while at Dillards...with a butthead we alllll know...

So...to set this up...we went to look for me a dress for Broadway Saturday and wound up at the mall. I looked at Coach, as expected (THEY HAVE MY PINK SHOES NOW!!!) and then at Betsey Johnson. The watch I wanted was under $150! I really wanted it-but got talked out of it. THEN, like a fool, I let myself be talked out of a $250+ B. J. luggage set for $72! :( Why is it that I constantly listen to the advice of people who constantly hurt me? Why don't I get the picture? I feel like such an idiot and a robot.

I don't have any friends near me. I have maybe 5 total. Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me. Then I realize, the only reason I have only 5 is because I'm selective. I'm hurt by uncontrollable things and other people, so I try to use my greatest judgement when choosing friends. It sucks not having anyone to spend my weekends with, so maybe I'll make a resolution to work on that.

I guess that's why BBC was never for me. And the churches. And the teachings in general. I think that 'religion' puts a boundary on how much imagination and wonder are in a belief. Like, don't get me wrong-If I was hurt and all alone, who says I can't wrap up in a blanket and talk to God like a person? Why should I have to use fancy phrases and 'heavenly father' and 'amen?' Why can't I make it what I choose? And I think I know my own heart. I don't have the money to buy myself popularity. My parents are far from missionaries/evangelists/preachers. I refuse to date around to create drama. My life is not a reality show. My name is Jenn-not LC. I have a REAL body and though it's not perfect, it's mine-not some size 0 skin n' bones crap. Heaven forbid I don't wear makeup to the gym! (or Walmart, or work, or whatever) Since when does everyone else in the world decide who you are? I guess what I'm saying is know who you are. Don't listen to other people. Work hard but remember that, in the end, it's just 'stuff' and it's just 'money.' No one says 'I wish I could have worked just one more day...' on their death bed.

I'm frustrated, so that may not make any sense. I refuse to apologize. Take it or leave it.

This is real, this is me.
--J

worst day of my life...ever

i'm not going to say a lot or give details or even make a fancy text. just know that if you are my friend, i need you now more than ever.