Cardboard-the OTHER white meat?

Today was probably one of the worst days I've had in quite a while.

It all started when I woke up feeling dizzy and weak. Then there was ice all over my car which nearly made me late. I worked as long as I could before my illness got the best of me. I went home around 12:30 to rest up, but not before talking to my my boss about some issues I'm having. That turned my stomach even more.

So I get home and sleep. James makes chicken and rice and greenbeans, but it all tastes like cardboard to me. We watched American Idol and I tried to eat a few spoonfuls of ice cream. Bad idea. So now I'm back to square one with a very achy back, 102 fever, dizziness, and sore throat. Anyone have a diagnosis? Now I'm restless and can't sleep. I'm going to try to get into a doctor tomorrow. Hopefully.

On the bright side, I was able to reconnect with a family I grew to love during my first year at KRK. The little girl is FULL of attitude, but at the same time, has a heart of gold! I miss her entirely too much! It was soooo wonderful to hear from them!

Additionally, I have come to the point of apathy when it comes to pleasing people. I don't read minds. I've said that before. And don't bark at someone-you never know when they're in the middle of helping you out. GOSH! Anyone else feel underappreciated/lowly/almost depressed?It's like an itch you can't scratch. If you irratate it, it'll get aggitated and fire back worse than before.

However, I realized that my heart is still with kids. I love each kidd-o in my room, no matter how bad I'd like to punt them across the room sometimes! (Though I'd NEVER EVER do such a thing!) I wish I could take some of them home and provide for them. But I'm only one girl. I'm 21. I'm a freespirit. I'm a giver to the point where I sometimes put myself in a bind. But, that's the glory in karma, I guess. If I could have one wish, I'd wish that no child would have to suffer or have fears. When I was growing up close to Greenspoint-yes, THAT Greenspoint-I played outside rain or shine night and day. These days, even children in high-end subdivisions may not be allowed to play in the front yard. It just makes me sick.

Another thing I realized, actually in a Day-Quill-glazed dream, is that I am subconciously afraid of making my apartment home again. I live with constant fear. It may never be the same. I keep my valuables in the closets now. It's not like me. It's a hard habbit to break. My lease is up in March, so I do have some options.

And one thing I have to get off my chest before my siesta-and please, hold me to this-
I don't care how old my children are, if I even have children, where I live, the weather...no matter what the circumstance-I WILL decorate for Christmas every year, find ways to spend time outdoors, travel, and be the person/wife/mother/grandmother...etc that I know I can be. There's someone I know who is everything I don't want to be, so I've got good reason to stick to my guns! Consider it negative reinforcement, if you will.

Goodnight from Jenn, Ny-Quill, Shaba, and the 'Ped-egg!' (Oh TV...)